I can finally write again

The year-long saga of the correspondence class is finally over…  We are in intercession for the water aerobics classes; so I am not teaching those, after tonight, for a month.  Fall session doesn’t start for another few weeks.  The kids are at their dads for another few days.  And the man is at a show for the night.  I actually have some quiet time to myself.  I can sit and take a few minutes to peacefully write on here again :)

I love my acupuncturist!  I can’t believe I was afraid of needles before.  I am glad I tried the other way first though.  So that I could tell what the difference is.  And it is amazing.  I would never have believed it before.  I can do so much more in my physical therapy now because of it and I have a real system for helping with the pain!  I still have a lot of the pain, but I have a lot more movement and I can stop the pain from progressing into the migraines and the spasms that land me in bed for days.  THAT  is a massive improvement.  David is also saying it is helping him a lot with his general aching and pain!  And so,  I love my acupuncturist!

My kiddittos are all doing good.  I’m so proud of them all!  They all have good dreams, and they all go after their dreams.  They generally use their good manners and they are helpful and kind on top of just being good people.  I guess I’ll keep them!

By this time next year I’ll have graduated.  I’ll be on to the next step.  I can finally see an end to all this school :)   I’m glad I’ve done it!  I’ve learned so much, about the subjects obviously, but about life and people too.   I’m glad I didn’t let any of the “stuff” get in the way; because it sure tried to.  Ho-ley hell did it try to.  Two degrees, 3 endorsements, and a bright future.   My kiddittos are my reason for all this, so they see how important an education is, how important it is to fight for one and (after next year) what I and they can accomplish with one.

Ok, it’s time for me to sign off for now.  I’m going to bed early tonight.  I get a whole night to myself and I’m going to go to sleep …. I must finally be letting ‘not as young as you used to be’ start to creep in.

Desayuno y acupuncture

Esta manana yo coci los biscuts de naranja para desayuno.  Esto es de mis recetas favoritas y esto es de mis amigas favoritas tambien.  Gracias Tahirih :)

Yesterday David and I went to go see an acupuncturist.  I cannot tell you how much of a difference it made!  I was so afraid of needles, but I thought… if I can have them spread open my spine and inject a huge needle and steroids 4 times now, I can try a bunch of little tiny needles.  Oh I am so so so glad I did!  I feel so good.  David says so too!    We have to get him some looser shorts (he’s into the emo skinny jeans so there was only so much she could do yesterday) but we both are having a really good day because of yesterdays acupuncture…..  I will be so glad to start walking again, I have had to take 8 days off now because the neck and shoulder just weren’t letting me do it.

My Healer paintings were a topic of discussion at the acupuncturist’s as she was doing much of the work on the same meridian of the current painting I am working on.  I thought it was really interesting.  Maybe some things really are meant to be.

This one is short, much to do today.   I’m keeping my goals, I’m writing, I’m learning Spanish, David and I are walking and talking together, my little family is doing great, I’m pretty damn happy!

Quandary

I do not know what to do….  I signed up for the Joints in Motion Team to walk the Half Marathon with and for David.  Upon signing up,  a congratulatory message was sent that informed me that I would soon receive a training packet and all the information I would need.  Since then I have been walking every day trying to, albeit slowly, get myself ready for this event.  I began letting people know that I will be participating, so that when I receive all the info I can begin the actual fundraising.

I just received the info email this evening.  I knew that a team must raise $2600.  However I did not know that it is in in deadlined increments and if we do not make them, my bank card is charged that amount.  I can’t do that.  What do I do?  Do I call the $130 I already donated a good contribution and call the whole thing a good idea?  I knew we had to fly ourselves there but I discovered that we have to pay Park admission.

I don’t think it is financially responsible for me to continue with this, but David knows how committed I’ve been to doing it for him.  Am I letting him down if I don’t do it?  Will he understand if I don’t?  With a summer class, teaching summer camp, student teaching, fall classes, and training for the marathon…. I don’t think I can make the fund raising deadlines and I know I can’t have it come out of my bank account.  Plus I would still have to fly us to Florida and get us into Disney…  We’re supposed to be Going for Br0ken not going broke.

What should I do?

Like battery dead or like No Es bUeno?

No Spanish for 2 weeks now, but it has been nice to have sporadic Spanish conversations with David and Thane at home.  Granted they are the kind of conversations that the average 2-year-old Puerto Rican would feel was childish, but still… we are trying to use it and that counts.   The other day my phone battery died and I said, “ahhh mi celular es muerto” ( which I’m not sure is exactly correct), and David says, “like battery dead or like no es bueno?”  to which I replied, “umm, either way, no es bueno….  but, just the battery”.

A small rant… Earlier this week I planted eight  4″  potted flowers from the local garden store.   I love to garden.  I have always spent lots of time working in gardens.  However, I have spent the rest of this week trying to recuperate from planting 8 tiny little plants. Ugh.   Some would say, then you shouldn’t be trying to plant them.  But really, I shouldn’t have to be in pain for planting them. It was only4 years or so ago that I dug a 3′x3′x18′ trench and was slightly muscle sore the next day.  K, rant over.

I said my final farewells to my little second graders yesterday :)   They’re so dang adorable.  They put on a play; The Queen Who Wouldn’t Laugh.  They were vivacious and funny and well I could go on and on.  I’m glad I will be at the same school next year so that I can see them again here and there.  The human heart has the capacity to love so much more than the mind can understand.  I love their little smiles and eyes and hugs.  I still struggle with how to detach just the right amount. I want to fix all their hurts and give them tools to get through their lives and help them see joy all around them all the time.  I have to find the balanced place where I stay attached enough and know when enough is where to stop.  It’s going to be difficult.  I see them all as my own children, all children.  I see all children as my own and I don’t know how not to.  It’s a good thing mostly but it can have its drawbacks.

Speaking of my children, Mike is staying with us for a week or so.  It has been really nice.  His girlfriend is very sweet and they make a good couple.  He’s really growing up and becoming a good man.  I’m really proud of who he is becoming.  It’s all about what you learn and what you do with the lessons, not the mistakes that teach you those lessons.  He’s showing that he’s learning a lot and making some good decisions based on the wisdom from it.  Makes me pretty happy.

Cori is prepping for a tough summer term with a serious goal of finishing her Bach a year ahead of schedule!  I think she has a great chance of nailing it on the head.  Still dancing as always, she’s a tough cookie with a brain.  I think I’ll keep her :)   It was so good to have her here for a little while… I wish she could have stayed longer.  More importantly, I’m glad she’s traveling a little bit, I’d rather have her travel than keep her here!

David is, as always, David…. there is not a single description that would cover the basics.  But he is still in the process of becoming, as he goes through the amazing, ever-changing, volatile teenage years.  I’m pretty sure he too will make it through and become yet another awe-inspiring adult.  I’m so proud of all of them!

I’ll be doing some teaching over the summer but not taking any classes.  I’m finishing up a few things and seeing what new things come my way.  I watched an episode of Oprah that gave me another piece of the dream to draw in.  A long time ago I came up with a saying, “Draw your dreams in pencil, give them good thick outlines but be willing to erase and change and reshape until you get the picture just right”.  I have some dreams that are getting more details drawn in lately and it is giving me peace and restlessness at the same time.  crazy huh?

As Spring begins to heat into Summer I keep finding myself singing a popular little Spanish song……La cucaracha la cucaracha watch me smash you til your dead, la cucaracha la cucaracha its so gross that you can live without your head. dun dun dun.   Then, of course, I look at the smooshed remains that could not live through a nuclear war and say, no       it is not like a battery dead, it is definitely no es bueno for you.

Right on Track – or rather – treadmill

I did it :) Last week I did 2.5 miles!  A few times  YEAH, I even did more than that!

I walked 2.5 miles for 2 days, the second day at 43 minutes.  That makes me pretty happy. It felt ok.  There was minimal twingy-ness so that’s great.

I walked for the whole Oprah show the day that the President and First Lady were on; but I was only walking at 2.5 mph so I didn’t increase my mileage, only my time….  I don’t know if that counts.

I walked with my 2nd grade class from school to the University, and by way of Google Maps, that is 1.7 miles each direction, so that is 3.4 miles! (That was also 5 blisters even with tape on before hand because ding-bat me forgot it was walking field trip day and wore cute sandals instead of walking shoes.)

I took the weekend off of walking because of blisters and I’m finishing the last papers and projects of the semester.  I took my last final today and I have one more presentation to prepare for tomorrow.

I gave my Master Teacher a Heart Attack this morning as her thank you for doing such a great job.  For those of you who don’t know, a Heart Attack is where you cut out as many hearts as you can, decorate them, write words of thanks etc, and then plaster them everywhere.  I put them all over her walls and doors and even hung them from the ceiling with her little hanging clippy things.  I’m hoping she’s not upset about having the distraction…..  But I’ve been planning it for a while now and I had some really special hearts for her.  I think it looked pretty cool :)

I met with my lawyer today about the stupid fall crap. That’s what I call the whole mess, the stupid fall crap.   We’re finalizing the demand.  I can’t believe how difficult this is becoming.  It frustrates me most that there have been enough dishonest people out there that I am having to deal with this bureaucratic bologna.     I wasn’t broken your floor was wet and unmarked – I fell – now I am broken – just fix it – that’s it.   I’m not trying to rip people off, there is no amount of money that is going to make me whole again.  I’m broken, I get it, I will keep living with it even after you have stopped having your little lawyer baby fit.  But there are doctor bills to pay, prescriptions to fill, jobs lost and jobs I won’t get because you broke me. Plain and simple.  At least this part is almost over.  I hate having to deal with all this on top of dealing with this pain every day.  HSC is just making my life more miserable by creating this hassle.  Is there a hassle clause for a demand?

The best part, the one time I decided to go jogging because I was having a good day, apparently I was being followed and that of course means I’m not having any issues at all, how could I be? I jogged one day.  Good friggin grief!  Enough of that, it’s still on track to get finished within the limitation so, still right on track :)

I have big dreams and one shoulder and neck are not going to stop me from reaching those dreams.

Me and my treadmill are going to keep us getting better and better.

A week in review :The saga of Spanish and marathoning

Today I finished my two miles in 41 minutes, down from 45 my first and second days.  Small successes are still successes.

My cousin, Lance, just ran the Boston Marathon in slightly over 2 hours.  That’s 26 miles in 120 something minutes.  I am tempted to feel disheartened, but I will not.  He didn’t start out training at that pace and he’s been running since he was a tiny tike.  I know this because when I was a tiny tike (I think we’re the same age) I went to his house and every single one of his family went off running in the morning.  I looked out the window and thought it was a really strange idea to go running  for no reason, before breakfast.   His wife has also been training for marathons and doing fantastically.

And now here I am, getting on my treadmill first thing in the morning, before breakfast, and wishing I had been doing this since I was a tiny tike so it wouldn’t feel like such a long way to go.  I am finding strength in Lance’s victory and using it to push me forward.  I do not plan to run a marathon at super human speed like Lance did.  In fact, I am only training for the Half Marathon because the idea of 26 miles puts me in bed.  But I am willing to push myself for 13 miles for my first time.

I am training for David.  He is going to attempt this with me.  It may be one of the last times he can as his knees, ankles, and arches are in pain all the time.  We’re walking not running, because neither of us can run.  But we’re going to put our all into it.  Mike and Cori and Thane are also thinking about it and hopefully will!

One more day keeping 41 minutes and two miles, then I increase to 2.5 miles :)     I am listening to my Rosetta Stone CD’s while hitting the treadmill so that hopefully I can get these two goals accomplished!

Buenos Dias mis amigos

I finished my Spanish 101 and 102 quest with a B- in both.  It was scary terrifying and I learned some things about myself.

One, I have a hard time learning something that new when it’s for a grade.  I plan to continue learning Spanish, but not in a classroom.

Along with that, I have a deeper and more profound sense of the harm we are doing to any child with a 1st language that is not English, be it , Spanish, Chinese, French, Russian, etc, by making them sit in classrooms and try to learn science when they don’t understand the language they are hearing it in.  By experience, I can tell you that as soon as you lose the understanding of one word, you can’t keep up with the rest.  We need to fix this broken ideology.

I will continue my quest and I will add another dimension.

David has been dealing with Juvenile Arthritis since about 6 years old.  He is now 15.  It is painful physically but also emotionally and mentally.  He is great and lives for the moment, he’s happy and has tons of friends.   My family is creating a team to run a half marathon in January at Disney World.  Please check out our team page  at  http://2012jimdisney.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=466896&team=4166475

It is $100 to join our team and run with us!!!  If you would like to join let me know!!  Otherwise, please donate what you can to raise money for the Juvenile Arthritis Foundation.  THey have done so much for us!

Day 1:  I walked 2 miles today in 45 minutes.  A great start I think :)    I have to take this slower what with the neck, shoulder, and hip injuries from 2 years ago that are still only about 2/3 healed.  But a great slow start for sure :)

Are mommies super heroes?

I used to think that we women turned into super heroines, that somehow the title of MOM gave us powers we had never possessed before.

…Able to catch falling cups from hitting the floor, able to leap over “accidents” of pee, and able to …get manipulated by the tears of a two-year-old.

I have come to realize that we are just women, just humans, We could do all of that before, maybe without as much finesse, but we’re really just women who love our children and keep doing the same stuff day in and day out. There are no magic powers that give us more insight, we are just older than our children, there’s no magic that helps us see when they are pouring Cap’n Crunch all over the counter when we’re in another room. We can just hear the little buggers ‘tink’ing onto the counter tops and floor and their marble like rolling around sounds followed by the ‘uh-oh’. And there is no special mommy potion we drink that helps us to calmly talk about sex when that age comes around. We just muscle through it all with love and devotion.

I have noticed the difference when my children call me by the various titles of motherhood.  Sometimes it’s ‘mom’, sometimes it’s ‘mamma’, sometimes it’s ‘mommy’, and of course the classic ‘mother’.  Within each of those categories there are also differences that can range from making me smile to the tips of my toes, to raising the hair on the back of my neck.

  • Example 1 Mom: ‘Mom’, the basic greeting and attention seeker, often prefaced by Hey, as in ‘hey mom’.- ‘M AAAHHHHM’, the long distance attention seeker, shouted from two rooms away which means, ‘hey my butt is glued to the seat in front of my computer/ tv and my legs have forgotten how to walk, the only things working are my throat and my mouse/ remote hand’ and I want you to do something for me/ see this. -’Mu ah mmmmm’, the bubble mom, always good for a giggle and the sweetest thing babies can do with snot. -’Mah ahm’, the classic ‘could you stop embarrassing me now?’ ‘mom’.
  • Example 2 Mommy: There’s the ‘MOMMMMMMMYYYYY’ that only a pre-schooler can say the right way and is usually at pick up. It is one of those down to the toes smiling kind of ‘mommies’.  -there’s the ‘mommyyyyyyy’ that precedes the ‘will you do this ridiculous favor for me because I really want to be growing up but I still want you to talk to other grown ups for me, cause they’re scary’. -Then there’s the heart breaking ‘mommy’ that is generally followed by an hour or so of cuddling, more snot, and hair with an unnatural part.

I remember the first time I realized that the birthing process did NOT grant me super powers, I was SO pissed! I was really planning on those kicking in!  Eww, but the worst is when they figure it out for the first time… ugh. Luckily a child’s memory can be short lived in that department, because even my 20 year old still thinks I know everything, sometimes.  He called me one day from his college campus – insert note* he was ON campus, I was at home*- and asked me if I knew if the computer lab was still open.  “Hmmmm, no.  You should ask someone there or walk downstairs and look”.

I have no super cape or clothing that makes me impenetrable either.  Damn it. I find that I sometimes I could really use one, because hearing ‘ahhh I haaaate you’ screamed from behind a recently slammed door can sometimes sink in. The  ‘Mom, mom, mom, mom,mom, mom,mom, mom,mom, hey mom,mom, mom,mom, mom,mom, mom,mom, can you hear me mom,mom, mom’, would be much easier to take with a sparkly, reflective cape. I could rock the cape, I think.  The tights I’m not so sure about.   Instead we mom’s have to just say “yes, I hear you, no you still can’t”.

I have a quote that sits on my desk.  I have no idea who it’s from but it keeps me grounded.  It says, “If only we let them”.  These are 5 of the hardest words to follow through with and they are applicable to everything.  They will learn to think for themselves If Only We Let Them.  They can have safe fun If Only We Let Them.  They can talk to me about anything If Only We Let Them.  Really, insert whatever is going on after they can and follow it up with If Only We Let Them.  I have to remind myself that, let does not equal make, and I learned that because someone let me.

I have also learned to say “it’s ok if you hate me right now, you’re gonna be glad when it counts”, and “I am perfectly fine with being the bad guy, blame it on me”.  But that comes from experience not super powers. Would have been a lot easier if some Super Hero trainer guru had telepathically mentioned that a few years earlier, but hey I got it eventually, much to the dismay of my youngest :)

H’mmm maybe the real super power is that we do all these things gracefully and keep up the pretense of superpowers so well :)

Sittin in the dorm room

Here I am, using SweetPea’s computer at her little desk, on her side of her new dorm room.  It’s been fully pinkified with highlights of orange to break it up.  Really, the pink fairy puked in here.  I suppose it will be difficult for anyone to get away with stealing from her because everything she owns is pink.  Some random girl is gonna walk down the hall with her own pink thing and not be able to redeem herself because everyone will know, if it’s pink it belongs to SweetPea.  :)   How could that be bad?

I’m trying to  be as tough as nails while not showing that I’m chewing mine to the bone in order to not look like the sobby mommy I am. 

There are boys in her dorm…I’m not happy, but I trust her enough to not throw a fit about it.  But, I really want to.  Of course I’ve made sure to post the “Staying Safe On Campus”. 

Ope I gotta go, she’s off to some Team BOnding event which means I’m kicked back to the hotel…

sigh

We’re off to college today!

I can’t believe it’s already here, the day we take The Pea to college. She’s only going 4 hours away… far enough to have her own adventures and close enough to come home when some of them go wrong.
She’s scared and excited and all of the many emotions that come with this. And I’m really proud of her. She actually cried in my lap for an hour and a half, in the middle of her room, because she thought when we said we were turning the back bedroom into an office that meant she wouldn’t have anywhere to come home to. I reminded her to watch every movie about parents whose kids are off to college, most recently we watched Transformers 2. It’s all fine, we’re not “kicking her out”. She got a little better but then found about 5 more things to start bawling about :) Though sad, slightly chaotic, and a little paranoid, she was pretty cute during the whole thing.
I’ll be taking pictures of this weekends journey :)

wow, here we go.