I have arrived in Albuquerque. I am home safe with my mama.
The craziness of Mozambique continued as two men attempted to mug me and take my purse as I walked back to the hostel from eating my last meal in Mozambique.
I discovered something interesting about myself in that moment. No matter what those two men said or did, I fought for my purse and my safety. I kicked and yelled and flagged down a passing motorcycle. I kept all but one shoe.
Why couldn’t I fight when my former friend assaulted me? I’m still working on that. Part of it was because I knew he would feel even more validated in hurting me if I had fought back. And part of me just couldn’t.
That is the part of me I am really struggling with and need to work through before I head back out into the world.
Mom and I are going to be doing a lot of energy work in the future for this.
When I had arrived in the US and was able to get internet again, I found that I had been tagged in a harsh victim blaming post by the husband of the couple that I have previously been thanking for their help-
Though I understand their desire for things to be like they were before all this happened, for the bliss of ignorance, their post really hurt me. All of the times I had asked them what I owed them had been met with “nothing, this is what friends do”. Now it was all being reneged because they don’t feel I should continue to press charges.
None of us had done much sleeping. All of us were trying to continue doing what we needed to because life goes on. I was slowly being outcasted by them, all the ways they were “helping” me, they began to see in a negative way. My belief is that it’s because I was the reminder that things weren’t normal any more. I was the one living in their house, so I became the easy target for displacing all the frustrations of the situation.
The sad truth that seems to be missing in their argument, is that none of the need for their help would have been necessary had my housemate/ former friend not been aggressive, abusive, and finally assaulted me.
None of my living with them, or need translation help with the police, or any of the kindnesses they showed me would have been needed if it weren’t for his actions.
I didn’t do this. I didn’t ask for any of this. None of this is my fault.
I desperately tried to be as little a burden on them as possible and have still been met with this painful reminder that people will attack when your back is turned.
I can’t blame them. It’s human nature to want things to be “normal”. It’s normal for people to take the path of least resistance. I left, I’m not volatile. I’m the least resistant path to displace the frustration.
Victim blaming is just as much a part of the abuser cycle as the abuse is.
I just didn’t expect it from them, so it hurts more.
Please, all of you out there, don’t revictimize by displacing blame. It makes it so much harder to follow through. So much harder to fight the good fight when you feel isolated and alone. So much easier for abusers to feel empowered.
I surely wish that this will never happen to them or their daughters. This is one of the worst parts of violence against women……