My nightly mosquito hunt genuinely pissed me off last night/ this morning! I knew I’d seen one but I couldn’t find it. I hunted for an hour.
Then I said, “well maybe I’m just being paranoid”, and sat down to write my Ode to Dan and Kenny. I am sincerely grateful for how my experiences at TEFL WWP helped me get through this week at school!
Just as I was finishing the last few remarks, the back of my neck started hurting. Not too unusual for my neck. I rubbed it a little, finished my post and rubbed it again because it had begun hurting more. I felt a weird lump and went to look in the mirror.
Sure enough, there in the back of my neck were two mosquito bites swelling up across the back of my neck. The damned blood-sucker had gone for a double dip! I put my awesome ancient modern medicine on it and went back on the hunt! I knew that little bastard had been there. It wasn’t going to get away from me this time.
For another HOUR I hunted that mosquito and didn’t find it! I was pretty pissed. I had my already messy dorm getting even messier as I pulled stuff out and threw it around in case the mosquito was inside or underneath it.
I brought my HV racket and a towel with me and I got in bed. I made sure every part of my skin was covered except the bottom of my nose, my mouth and the very top of my chin. My comforter was pulled up as high on my neck as it could be. The towel was wrapped all around my face. Every limb was under the comforter.
I had laid down for no more than 2 minutes. I hadn’t even gotten completely comfortable yet when my chin started hurting. The screen on my computer was still glowing (and I have it set to turn off, but still play my music, after 5 minutes).
I looked up at the wall behind me and there it was. All cocky like, “haha you couldn’t find me but I bit the only place you didn’t cover, haha”. I LEAPED out of bed!! Ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
I’ll be flipping damned. The blood-sucking bastard had actually bit me on the chin in less than 2 minutes after I had been hunting it for 2 hours. Bastard.
I devised strategies, I hunted, I called out to it. I didn’t give a rats ass that it was getting closer to 1 in the morning. The other people in the dorm could suck it, I was going to get that mosquito.
I genuinely must have looked like a lunatic because every little movement of hair, itch on my skin, or shift in clothes had me sure that the bastard was biting me again. I was twitchy and paranoid as I paced the room looking at stark white walls, sure to see the little bastard somewhere.
I literally ransacked my room. All of my clothing and towels are in a pile by the front door because I went through each one, shaking them out and then throwing them in the pile. Then I went through the pile again just to make sure it hadn’t gotten into the pile and hidden while I was looking through the other clothes.
And then I spotted it stealthily hiding on the dark stain of the door. The hunt would soon be over.
I slapped at my door like the bastard was 10x its actual size. It flew away. I swatted at it with my HV racket. Nothing, no juice left. All I did was give it a windier ride. I spotted it again on another wall. I threw a box at it. A box has a larger surface area, sure to kill it. Missed.
I had been revving up the voltage in my racket as I stalked the room. I was certain that the high pitch whine of electricity was going to emotionally scare the mosquito out so I could get it. I had worn down the batteries. Ugh.
Thinking quickly I pulled out the batteries and switched them around, sometimes that works.
I spotted it again back on the door. It was in my sights. I moved slowly. I was catlike. I embodied the best tigress hunter as I made my way to it. The bastard sat there, taunting me, but I knew it was doomed.
I ever so slowly put the racket in front of me and began to fire it up. I gently put it on the door so as to not disturb the little fucker. Then
I kicked the door. It jumped and the most satisfying little explosion of my life happened. I did not care that three rounds of my blood just got annihilated as long as the little bastard went to see its maker.
I may have to explain my honest ability to be murderous in these situations one day, but he was gonna have to explain his shit right now.
Mosquito 3, Mari 1; but mine will last. HAHAHhahahahahahaha
- How hacking a mosquito’s heart could eradicate malaria (newscientist.com)
- Egg Sucking Bastard (thefruitychicken.wordpress.com)
- Why do mosquitoes bite some people and not others? (io9.com)
- Mosquito bites = constant torture. (lisalaughs.wordpress.com)
- Neck Spasm Exercise (rhvillegas.wordpress.com)
- Day two, something new (mariflies.wordpress.com)