Maybe because it’s that 4 month mark.
Maybe because I, for the first time in my life, don’t have anyone to talk to for the hours when I get off work until the hours I go to work.
Maybe because I don’t want to keep seeing abusive cycles.
Maybe because I just want to say that I’m feeling sad but I can’t tell anyone for real because I’m living the dream I’ve been planning for most of my life.
Maybe because I miss my kids and making breakfast and asking them how things went at school and hysterical giggle fits as we come up with the dumbest stuff.
Maybe because I look outside and see so many places I want to go and yet I feel glued to this room because I’m scared of something happening and not being able to communicate.
Maybe because I realize that I have so many worries piled up in my head that I can’t concentrate on the important things that will help me get out there and do what I want.
Maybe because of all these things, I’ve had a really crappy last 24 hours.
Not every day is a good day, and today hasn’t been one.
I wish I could just follow everyone’s advice and let it all roll. Hell, my own advice. I tell myself that. But today it’s not working.
All I’m trying to do is just give voice to how I feel, right here, right now. I’m not looking for anyone’s sympathy or having them tell me it will get better. I know it will. I am merely need to get it outside of my thought process. Maybe these things won’t have as much power over me if I just call them out.