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I forgive you

30 Apr

Dear Louis and Caroline,

I am writing to let you know I forgive you.
I forgive you for writing your Facebook post.
I forgive you for feeling you needed to write it when I had only ever sung your praises both publicly and privately.
I forgive you for writing it while you knew I would be flying and unable to read or answer it until after all your friends had seen it.
I forgive you for deleting any responses my friends put on it and then making it only for your friends to read.

I forgive you for believing that such a violent act against another human being needs nothing more than his say so that it won’t happen again with no consequences.
I forgive you for taking such a harrowing experience and trivializing it.

I forgive you for lying to me about what you felt I owed you.
I forgive you for lying to me about paying for the classes I taught.
I forgive you for believing that asking to settle between what I owed and what the classes cost, was asking for money.

I forgive you for not emotionally being there for me.
I forgive you for blaming me, instead of John Goosen by assaulting me, for the inconvenience of my staying in your home and eating at your restaurant.

I forgive you for accusing me, not John Goosen, for any part of the missed honeymoon time of our friends.
I forgive you for saying I “complained”.
I forgive you for only helping me move my things after being asked to by the honeymooners.
I forgive you for refusing to help me to have John Goosen arrested for his crime of assault and battery.
I forgive you for calling me selfish because I hadn’t gotten over it a mere 9 days after having been violently assaulted.

In replace of anger and frustration, I give forgiveness and compassion.
I give you a brush, with a mirror, for your daughters.
I give you a long, two person hammock that will easily fit two very tall individuals.
I give you all the things I left you, knowing that you could use them well.

I know that you both are also victims of the abusive cycle. It hurts me to see two sensible people behave the way you have, but I can
understand the need to find release from such a frustrating situation.  I understand it’s easier to release it on someone who isn’t there.

It hurts deep inside a person to know that they have been, and are friends with someone who is a violent abuser. You have long known that John is verbally assaulting at most times, that he becomes physically aggressive and out of control when he drinks, and now you know he is actually emotionally capable of killing someone with his bare hands.

That is hard to deal with on a very deep level. A level that many people don’t like to uncover and look at in themselves.

I didn’t like looking at that part of me when I was married. How could I love someone who hurt me all the time?
But I’ve already had to take that part of me out and give it a good long look-over. I’ve already spent many years and dollars on dealing with that part of me.

I’ve already had to deal with knowing and understanding the capabilities abusers have; the capability to look remorseful in order only to escape consequence; the capability to use faces, lies, and time to change how people see what happened.
I’ve already had the experiences that show me what to do in this situation. You haven’t.

I’ve had someone stand up for me before and have learned how to stand up for myself because of it.  You haven’t.

No one likes to stare abuse in the face.
People want it to go away. They want to think it isn’t really true, it wasn’t that bad, he wouldn’t really do that.
Because it’s easier that way.

Humans like things to be easy, simple, and not abusive. But this situation isn’t any of those things.
I only know what to expect and what to do, because I have already overcome it before.  You haven’t.
I don’t blame you for wanting things to go back to normal.
And I forgive you for expecting it to.
I forgive you for the pain you have caused me in addition to the pain of having been assaulted by your friend.

From this second on, I completely forgive you both, Louis and Caroline.
I cut my cords to you both with forgiveness, compassion, and love. Forgiveness of the acts, compassion for where you are, and love for who you are and what good you did do for me.

I forgive you.
Good-bye.

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3 responses to “I forgive you

  1. Ms McKahsum

    01/05/2015 at 06:37

    Yes, I agree that it still sounds angry at the beginning. But that is why I said at the end that I completely forgive them, not at the beginning. And forgiveness is a process, it takes time. It is decided on in one moment, but it is an ongoing process to continue. I have made the decision.

    I had to make that decision for each part, because each part hurt me separately. I did try to find a way inside myself to forgive in one lump, but one part or another would come up in my mind and I’d be hurt all over again.
    I wrote each part I needed to forgive.
    Now anytime anything comes up in my mind, I remind myself, nope you forgave them for that, and I can go on without hurting.
    Forgiveness isn’t a one time deal, it isn’t a quick cure, and it takes ongoing work until the pain is gone.
    Though it may seem that I’m not as far along as I am, I’ve actually got a pretty good start on the process.
    I’m glad you called me out though, because I had to really think about it. Have I really forgiven them? I have. It’s still new, but I have.

    Like

     
  2. Hank Egberink

    01/05/2015 at 13:20

    Fuck them, you are wasting your beauty on people who will never understand until they feel it themselves, fuck them, move on and learn from it, but never allow this to pass for friendship

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • Ms McKahsum

      04/05/2015 at 10:48

      Hi Hank, not to worry, I am not extending another hand of friendship. I am forgiving. Forgiving does not include acceptance, tolerance, or being ok with what they did. I am just letting it go now. I truly appreciate your friendship, now and always, thank you!

      Like

       
 
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