How do we

27 Jun

…Teach our children boundaries, without teaching shame?

…Unlearn shame without making boundary mistakes since we don’t really know where they’re supposed to be?

…Teach our children to make good choices and that it’s ok to make bad choices because that’s how we learn?  But, you know, don’t make bad choices on purpose…..

…look abusers in the eye and tell them THEY are doing wrong?

…how do we not?

…expect teenagers and adults to make good choices (learn from bad choices) without giving them times to practice as children?

…teach girls they are equal without belittling boys?

…let love win when we hide hatred in the guise of loving God?

…see the signs?

…stop the violence?

…feed the people?

…stop following blindly?

…learn to love to learn and break free from the instant gratification feedback loop?

…fuel positive forward motion with the abuse from others but let go of the pain?

…keep letting profit-making companies run our lives?

…look past the ugly, walk into no man’s land, just shake hands and move forward?

…finally just love ourselves, our bodies, and allow others to do the same without any issues?
…stop wanting to be ourselves while ridiculing others for being themselves?

…stop taking everything personally and reacting defensively?

…allow ourselves and others to look past what we were taught, and whether we agree or not, try to see another point of view.

Because we really need to and we need to help each other.

So how do we?


Posted by on 27/06/2015 in Uncategorized


5 responses to “How do we

  1. betternotbroken

    28/06/2015 at 09:38

    I don’t know the answers to the questions, but it is worth a try to attempt to find out. I can’t teach shame after what I have endured. Empathy and responsibility for actions is a far cry from shame and that is the best answer I can give you, may you find the answers you need on your journey.


    • Ms McKahsum

      13/07/2015 at 09:28

      I didn’t think I had taught shame, but the more I look at things the more I realized I did without realizing, much the same way as we, white people, teach racism without knowing it by subscribing to the norm.
      So now, how do we change it? How do we teach not to subscribe to the norm?

      Liked by 1 person

      • betternotbroken

        13/07/2015 at 10:37

        A rhetorical question, one that millions struggle with but all I can offer is to teach that people are people. When someone steals from you, they chose to steal, it is not because of their race. When someone is nice to you, it is not because of their race but because they chose to be nice. Whenever someone comes along and is nasty and you want to blame race, wait a while and the universe will send you another person of the same race who is not nasty and it will balance out. That’s the best I can do, wish it were better. Also, actions, treat everyone the same and do less talking about race, I think actions speak louder than words. I am open to suggestions, your thoughts? Social media if rife with shame, shaming racists, misogynists etc. that will not solve a thing, that I know for sure.


        • Ms McKahsum

          13/07/2015 at 10:43

          The post and my thoughts at the time were body shaming, but I think body shaming, violence against women, racism, and many others fall into a Venn Diagram of the heterosexual white man and his dogged determination to stay the king of the hill.

          Liked by 1 person

          • betternotbroken

            13/07/2015 at 10:50

            True, and when people use shame to climb that hill to depose the king it is a slippery slope. I think what helped me was truly grasping that shame is a choice. Yes, you can call me fat, pick on my imperfections, compare me to Kate Upton and find the flaws but in the end, I give you the power to shame me and I no longer feel it, buzz off. It is how I cope with healing from narcissistic abuse, no more listening to people who have nothing better to do than sit around and criticize women’s bodies or get angry we are not playing the game and trying to please them. Eventually, the same group will be attacking Kate Upton for having teeth not as white as they should, for being too fat, etc. Honestly, the people who engage in fat or body shaming get boring after a while. Yes, whether it is shame over how much money you make, you big your butt is, it is all very much related and stems from the same root of dysfunction and the need for absolute control.

            Liked by 1 person


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