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Our parents generation was perfectly fine with domestic violence, why can’t we be?

28 Aug

Welcome to the Rodeo.

It’s a hum-dinger of a ride.

(It’s taking a few turns through sarcasm-ville too, so have fun.)

Smug isn't he?

Smug isn’t he?

Did you know that Elvis Presley hits a girl in every single movie he’s I’ve seen him in? 

He does. 

Wanna talk about influence over a generation?  Elvis was IT.  He set the standard.  “It’s ok to hit women” was displayed across every drive-in and movie theater from 1956 to 1977.

thUFWHUG0K

Did you know that The Beatles had a popular song about killing a girl over jealousy?

They do.

“Run For Your Life”

Well I’d rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or ya won’t know where I am
You better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end ah little girl
Well I know that I’m a wicked guy
And I was born with a jealous mind
And I can’t spend my whole life
Trying just to make you toe the lineYou better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end ah little girlLet this be a sermon
I mean everything I’ve said
Baby, I’m determined
And I’d rather see you deadYou better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end ah little girlI’d rather see you dead, little girl
Than to be with another man
You better keep your head, little girl
Or you won’t know where I amYou better run for your life if you can, little girl
Hide your head in the sand little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end ah little girl
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nahAnd Audrey Hepburn? thNFNKKRR1

Breakfast at Tiffany’s opening scene has a guy banging on her door in anger that she won’t let him because he “has rights” after paying for her dinner.

Her not letting him in -is the wrong, not his banging on her door expecting his “rights”, so she hides by going out of her window instead of telling him to go away.  And it just continues from there.

Really, this list goes on and on.  Watch any soap opera and you have a prime seats to the Victim Rodeo.

And now the tides are turning back again.

What happened to the strong, independent women songs?  Beyoncé got married, so now we all need to get back to domesticated bliss? There’s a whole new onslaught of I’ll cook for you, clean for you, you’re the strong one, give me lots of bling and I’ll do whatever you want, please make all my decisions for me, songs. Pop music is back at the effective conditioning of us all to “remember our places”.

It used to be that a guy could say, “Trust me” to get a girl, but we’ve learned haven’t we?

It’s a joke now,

“Trust me”.

Trustme

The abusers have learned too.  Now, the abusers wait to hear you say, “I trust you”, to them.  They play the roping game until they hear those words.

trust

Oh, they believe you alright.

BUT, because they know they are not trustworthy, their first thought on hearing you say you trust them is,

“You’re an idiot“.

And you can’t ever change that.

From that point on you are an idiot to them and they have every right in their mind to treat you badly, because that’s how one treats idiots, right?

I mean, who can deny it?  Sure, sure, sure, you can say that’s not the case, we all know the right words we’re supposed to say, PC and all, right?      Nobody should treat idiots badly.  Idiots are people too.

But it’s not real life.  In real life, ie, in songs, soap operas, television, movies, the ways we see and hear life told to us, repeatedly, throughout our lives, for generations, that must be how it’s done.  So, if you’re an idiot (ie a girl), that trusts me( an abuser), then you deserve whatever happens to you.  Case closed.

And we all go along for the ride.

If she’s such an idiot girl that trusted that guy, then she deserves what happened.  If she stays with him, she deserves it.  Why is she with him, she’s an idiot.  Why didn’t she leave him after the first time? What an idiot. She should have been more careful, so idiotic, she deserves what happened.  She’s such an idiot, who does that anymore?

Those are the victim blaming thoughts we’ve been conditioned to think.

And along with those, come’s the Victim Rodeo dance – where the abuser is really the victim and all the while they’re hog-tieing you, you’re apologizing for their hitting their knees too hard on the dirt around you because you were so confused with all the hoopin’ and hollerin’ and clown antics meant to trick you, you forgot to soften the ground for them.

Because they are masters of turning everything around.

Because they don’t care about anything except not having consequences.

Because controlling you is more important than reality.

Because they know the more you try to control them, the deeper their mind fuck is working.

Mass murderers? Rapists?  Abusers? Oh no, VICTIMS.  They are the abused, why else would they shoot up a whole school/office/theater?  They are victims. Why else would they throw a girl around a room and choke her?  They are the victims.

They don’t need jail, they just need some medication and a good counselor to work through their childhood issues.

If your first thought isn’t directed at the abuser, you are victim-blaming.  If your next thoughts aren’t for helping the victim, you are victim blaming.  If you are victim blaming, don’t worry, you’re not alone.  Even victim’s victim blame.

Workin’ At The Brain Wash, sing it with me!

What most people don’t understand is the amount of brain-washing and conditioning that goes into creating victims.  And how we are all part of the process.  Yes, ALL of us.  We are all working at the Brain Wash and we are singin’ it with feeling.

objectify much?

Victims in abusive situations don’t leave right away, because there are so many colorful locks, laces, and latches put in place before the situation becomes so black and white to everyone else.

A victim’s sense of control in their lives has been systematically stripped away and replaced with confusion, lack of trust in themselves, isolation, and a distorted sense of what will happen to them without the abuser.

Abusers play on fantasies and fears.

Even though I had a round-trip ticket from Turkey to Mozambique, when the time came to use my ticket back to Turkey, I was reminded that I would get thrown in jail without my passport if I left the island.  I was told it would cost too much to get me to the city.  I was told that going to the city on my own, I would probably be raped, stolen, or both.  It was only safe for me to stay with him.  Everything about my finding a way to leave was distorted and my fears played upon in order to control where I was and what I was doing.

I got the fantasy of island life, a good peaceful job with the ability to “rest” while looking for work for the next school year.  And once there, I got all the worst fears of a woman travelling alone thrown at me; I was only safe while under his protection.  And, because of my prior conditioning, I thought I could make the best of the situation and still get myself on my own two feet.  I was doing many things to keep myself safe, while in a very unsafe situation, that I thought was, AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN, a safe situation.

Ya can’t control someone else to get your own control back.

Victims often try to reclaim their control by “controlling” the abusers.  Oh yes, the distorted idea that we can control the emotional healing of our abuser *cough* I mean victimized partner, we can love them into being better people.  We can show them how good it feels to be treated well, then they will know how to treat us well.  They were never shown how it can be to feel loved, so if I love them better, then they will see and it will all be back to the fairy tale they showed me at the beginning. Yep, I’m totally Disney princess style rolling my head with a sugared smile plastered across my face as my dream-filled eyes watch the screen while I type.Enchanted

Because that’s they way we victims are taught to think.  That’s what is put on repeat in our life soundtrack and movie script.  You know you just thought of at least one movie and two songs where that very thing happens.

When I was married, the level of the victim-rodeo dance was amazing.  Even now I am starting to see many of the ways that he made it look like one thing was happening – to everyone else- while making me feel like something else entirely was happening, I hadn’t seen before.

He still does that to our children.  He still makes everything appear how he wants in order to control the way they do things or feel the way he wants them to.  He uses money and “love” to manipulate them.  Sadly, they are learning those trade tools as well.

Survivor 2

Even we, the survivors, the mighty among the victims, the ones who are making great leaps and strides in our ability to reclaim our power and control while allowing the rest of the world to maintain their own, (yes, a little power hype there, I deserve it)

Even we are still caught in the thick blanket of perceptual lies that abusers have been piling on society for millennia.

Our parents generation seems to have not just merely accepted, but been perfectly fine with domestic violence.  Why can’t we be?

Because we actually can reach more people, we can have a louder voice, we don’t have to be divided and conquered, we’re the ants to the grasshoppers,

We have laws and the ability to have global laws that protect and

We know that ALL people should LIVE A LIFE FREE FROM VIOLENCE.

thRU28G03O thSS68L1U4 thZ3UN32PR

What do you think?

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9 responses to “Our parents generation was perfectly fine with domestic violence, why can’t we be?

  1. betternotbroken

    28/08/2015 at 16:04

    Really? I have not watched Elvis movies since I was 7 years old.

    Like

     
  2. dykewriter

    28/08/2015 at 22:52

    Reblogged this on Nina's Soap Bubble Box and commented:
    Love Me Tender, he does smack Debra Padget, but he doesn;t hit a girl in Loving You. Jailhouse Rock he goes to prison for killing a woman beater and Walter Matheau hits Elvis in King Creole – he only hits ronnie to try to revive. He doesn’t hit Juiet Prowse in GI Blues – but there is a punch and judy show – Flaming Star- he died, no hitting girls, he fights boys in Wild in the country – and he spanks one of the girls in blue hawaii. I can run through all of them and there are some he does and most he does not – but to say elvis and then parent’s generation – elvis would be 80 now – and the 1950s are the grandparents generation. domestic violence stopped being socially okay in north america in the 1970s so it’s also false to say it’s tolerated – the problem is religion in the public square and the idea that hitting a stranger is a crime but someone you are related to is a family matter. it’s how workplace abuse becomes acceptable and why there is now 1 mass public shooting every day in the USA.

    Like

     
    • Ms McKahsum

      29/08/2015 at 08:17

      I’m gonna have to do a review of some of these. I admit it’s been a while since I watched an Elvis movie, but I also decided to never watch another one because I saw him hit a girl in every one I watched during a binge marathon post divorce. I don’t think deciding a girl you just met who isn’t behaving the way you want her to means you can turn her over your knee, is acceptable whether you call it hitting or spanking really makes no difference. It’s shown as an acceptable form of violence against women.
      Understanding that even Sting, author of the song, I’ll be watching you, was surprised at how the song was socially seen as loving instead of the creepy stalker, watch out, kind of song he wrote it as, speaks louder to that generations acceptance of how we view the setup and victim blaming, and therefore the actual abuse. Groups beginning to create Awareness of domestic violence does not equal a full social change in view.
      And though I agree that religion does play a far larger role than people want to admit, the real culprit
      Is white privilege.
      Once a mass shooting was publicized, it began to happen more often.
      As creatures of habit, who are more afraid to do right if we’ve never seen it happen before, than to do a wrong we’ve seen successfully completed, we are influenced by what we see. Though it wasn’t always true, Media is more responsible than religion in this day and age.
      I’ll go back in the next few weeks and watch some Elvis movies to fact check, that’s fair. Thanks for your comments! I like being made to think through my thoughts again. It’s how we learn.

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • dykewriter

        29/08/2015 at 11:06

        I recently reviewed each and every Elvis movie for my own blog – in his Movies, Love Me Tender is the only one were Elvis is actually violent and that was him being cast as the Scary southern – he hits his wife in a jealousy fit because he loves his brother more and he dies in that movie so they can be together. as I mention, Jeailhouse rock he goes to jail – but in the movies were he does hit a women – The Trouble with Girls is to sober Sheree North up – and he also disiplne spanks a girl in Blue Hawaii and threatens a spanking in Fun in Acapulco – it’s the response to girls too young and otherwise, it’d the girl actying hysterical.

        I find the movies where the man mouths off to the woman, who smacks him and hten they are kissing way more problematic.

        religion is were the issue of disipline arises and media, being censored by religion, reinforces

        you might enjoy the documentary “This Film is not yet rated”

        Like

         
      • dykewriter

        29/08/2015 at 12:51

        Also, please know – I do agree with your premise that media/entertainment is used to reinforce cultural values. http://dykewriter.wordpress.com/2014/11/24/wild-west-test-the-gender-divide/

        Like

         
  3. Ms McKahsum

    29/08/2015 at 08:38

    Ps, just to clarify for everyone, I am almost 43, Elvis and The Beatles were my parents generation. For those of you a generation younger than me, think of ‘parents’ as ancestors. 🙂

    Like

     

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