Things are getting shook up around here and all for the better!!
I should be in Kazakhstan by the end of the month starting my new teaching position there. I can’t even describe how excited I am!
Though I know most of these posts lately have been ominous and dreary, I promise on the other side of the screen some really positive things have been happening.
I started off my time in Montana quite concerned about finding my joy again. I’ve always been able to find my joy, even when feeling down, but the more open my eyes have become to the abuses all around us, the more I ripped apart. It felt like my soul was ripping apart. Finding joy was becoming difficult.
The blessings of my Shaman Path are many fold and one blessing was the realization, just when I needed it, that shedding my past, like a snake sheds her skin, is painful. It takes work. It doesn’t just fall off, it has to be removed. It has to get pushed and split open and cm by cm pulled and worked off.
The ripping apart was a necessary part of the growth. The falling off the wall was necessary. The seeing was necessary.
But unlike Humpty Dumpty, this girl can get put back together again. And how!
And I also realized, that my journey right now is not to find my joy, but to find my peace. My joy is with me always, but I have not been able to feel my peace.
And that is what I’ve been working on. Making peace, finding peace, learning peace, teaching peace. Within my tranquility I feel my joy abundantly. I just have to keep myself resolving into peace.
And – who knew? I didn’t. That ever crazy word that everyone wants and no one has, patience…… yeah, it’s not a single state, like happy. It’s a multi-layered state, like peace. Can I just tell you how much easier that has become once I realized there’s more than one part to it!
When you have patience, you’re overcoming anxiety and distrust. When you have patience, you’re not looking for the instant gratification. When you have patience, you are not letting the unknowns create fear.
I ask myself things like: Are you afraid? Are you anxious? Are you looking for an immediate reward? If I answer yes to any of those, then I examine whatever it is. Patience is so much easier when you quell the storm that makes you impatient. Game changer that one.
There is still much to be done, much to be written and much to be learned about the many ways we indulge abusers, don’t see abusers tests and warning flags, and re-victimize victims by blaming them. But, I am in the works of creating my very own, paid for, hosted, and what ever other words I don’t even know yet because this is all really new to me website. One where I can write my fun, travel, joyful, teachery blog posts on one part and the heavier, no one deserves violence, stop abusers blog posts in another part. And a few other things I’ve been cooking up.
I know it’s been rough for those of you only wanting the read the fluffy stuff. Trust me, it’s been hard to not have much fluffy stuff to write about. I’ve had a harder time writing the good because I’ve been afraid of the good stopping if I wrote about it. But, I’m learning.
As the snake sheds her skin, so too am I. As the Phoenix rises from the ashes, so too am I.
I’m still a little, bitty, brand-new phoenix, but I’m dusting off the ashes and looking around.
Kazakhstan, I am ready to embrace you. Let’s get ‘er done.