Sitting at a cafe, trying to stay warm, I think about all kinds of stuff.
One thing I’m thinking of today… Before I left the States, someone said, “I hope you find what you’re looking for out there.”
It’s weird. Maybe, I’m weird. But, I’m not looking for anything out here, except what is out here. I just want to be part of the world.
It’s weird, I suppose, because I have met quite a few expats running from things, running to things, looking for something or someone, trying to forget someone or something. But, I’m not. I didn’t set out here to find anything, not even myself. I had already found myself before leaving the States the very first time.
I just want to see the world. Plain and simple. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, for a long time. But, I’ve wanted to see the world since I was a little girl. I dreamed of visiting sites I learned about in History classes or read about in magazines. Traveling has been a dream for as long as I can remember.
And I finally found a viable way to do it. A way that makes me happy. A way that helps me feel like I’m contributing to the world I want to see and be part of. Teaching. I love teaching. I love traveling. Therefore, I completely love my life.
Are there people that don’t get it? Sure. Of course. That’s ok. They don’t have to get it. It’s my life, and I completely get it, so they don’t need to.
There are a few who are worried for me. Some that think I’m crazy. There are even a few that are mad at me because I have chosen to live the way I’ve always wanted to. Frankly, I say, that’s on them.
It’s the little, every day moments that I love out here. It’s the smile on the barista’s face when she sees me because she gets to practice her English when I order. It’s the drive through a little village and seeing the people driving a few head of cattle across the street with motorcycles and cars trying to go around. It’s looking up at beautiful mountains dusted in snow. It’s seeing a Chinese man walk across the street and feel pangs of missing a place I called home for a while. It’s the little things that make me feel part of the Global community that keep me loving it so much.
I know a few people who have goals to see x amount of places before such and such a time, or step foot on every continent, or other really awesome goals. My goal from day one, has been to teach around the world, so that I can be part of it. I want to learn from it.
I am learning from the world. I am teaching in the world. I am being in the world. I am happy.
Recently I’ve told a couple people a bit of my life stories. It used to make me sad afterwards. But one incredibly great thing that came from the ugliness of my time on Ilha, is that I can truly feel my own strength. I have been through the baseness that mankind has to offer and not let it harden me. I have learned how to be a better, stronger, kinder, more understanding and compassionate person because of what I’ve been through. That’s apparently a lot more rare than I understood before.
I’m freaking proud of me.
One of my students asked me yesterday if there was anything I would change if I could go back in time. I didn’t even hesitate to say no. I like who I am and I wouldn’t be the me I am, if it weren’t for the things that shaped me into me. So, no, I wouldn’t change anything.
Do I wish that I could have learned a few life lessons without the pain? Sure, but both are necessary to recognize either, so…… I’ll be happy just being the me I am, with the stories I have.
Mostly, I tell my stories in order to let it not hurt me any more. But I also tell them because I hope other people can learn from them without having to actually experience them. I started traveling again so soon because I didn’t want to let fear get the upper hand. The longer I held off, the harder it was becoming to believe I could again. SO, I told fear to fuck off.
And here I am.
Walking around a beautiful city every day. Teaching amazing students from all over the world. Working with supportive, caring people. Making friends with other amazing teachers. Sitting at cafe’s and pondering the little things that make my life happy.
My peace is tangible. My joy surrounds me like a beautiful sparkly cloud of awesome. I am happy just being out here in the world. I’m not looking for anything; every day brings me something new to wonder at.
#Lovelife. #Noregrets. #TeachPeace. #Notallwhowanderarelost