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John Goosen knew exactly what he was doing.



During the time that John Goosen was assaulting me, I found one thing very strange.  He would hiss insults at me as he twisted my wrists and shoulders, wrench me into wrestling submission moves.  Growl threats while throwing me around.  Spit in my face with his quiet words meant to tell me how much pain he was going to inflict on me, as he kneed me and held me down.  And then, after I would cry out for him to let me go; he would shout, “I’ll let you go as soon as you calm down!”.  That happened 5 or 6 times.  I would reply that I was calm.  “I am calm.  I’m completely calm.  Just let me go and we’ll talk about it in the morning.”

It didn’t make any sense to me at the time.  Even in the state of things, I was at odds with myself at how calm I was.  Part of my mind kept insisting that I needed to fight back, to get out, to shout for help.  But something kept me from doing any of that.  There was a calmness that I could not comprehend, but that kept telling me I couldn’t give him any reason to feel justified with what he was doing.  So why did he keep shouting for me to calm down?

It wasn’t until the last minutes, where he was choking me and banging my head against the walls, that I couldn’t stay calm.  The survival instinct was louder than the calm voice for just those last few minutes.  And even then, once I decided to stop fighting and let him kill me, I was crying for my children, for their loss.  I was crying, but I was not hysterical until I heard the knock on the door.

I remember thinking that the only thing he was truly shouting was for me to calm down.  It didn’t make any sense.

Immediately after I was assaulted, I went to the local police station.  They told me to go to the hospital and get checked out.

So I did.

As I left the hospital, with Caroline, John Goosen drove up.  He started shouting at me from the vehicle that I had to listen to him.  He had more to say to me.  He got out of the vehicle and took a few steps towards us, still shouting profanities, insults, and demanding that I listen to him.

I ignored him.  We kept walking back to the Police Station.

He got back in his vehicle and drove off.  He had parked at Louis and Caroline’s house, halfway between the hospital and the police station.  He was standing on the side walk, in the shadows of an already dark street.  Then as we got closer he started in again.

I kept walking.  Kept on ignoring.  Gave my report.

The next morning, I found out that during the time I had gone to the police station and then to the hospital, John Goosen had called my mama.

In that call he told her, in his best concerned voice, that he was so worried about me because I had been acting like I was possessed and that he’d had to restrain me to keep me from hurting myself or him.  What could she do to help him help me?

He spread rumors that I had been drunk and he had needed to calm me down.  Police went to ask others who had been with us that night, how I’d been behaving, what they thought had happened.

He knew before he even locked me in the room, how to play the crowd, so that he could avoid any consequences for what he planned to do.  He flipped his whole persona, put it all into place, acting the concerned citizen, immediately after he attacked me.

And then flipped back and continued to harass me afterward.  He tried to get me to react. Tried to find a way to make me do something to look the way he was trying to paint me.

He knew exactly what he was doing.  He wasn’t acting crazy.  He didn’t “have a moment”.  He didn’t just snap.  He planned it out.

His “calm down” shouts, were his alibi.  His call to Jean was an attempt to  deflect anything I said to her afterwards.

John Goosen knew exactly what he was doing the whole time.  It was a premeditated act of violence by someone who had done this enough times to know how to premeditate it.  He knew where to hit to not leave visible bruises.  He knew the twists and holds that inflict pain and injury without leaving marks.  He knew to say some things loud and everything else soft.  He knew exactly what he was doing.

I keep writing because I want his name to come up on Google.  I want someone else trying to find out if he’s OK to visit, to know that he’s not.  I couldn’t put him in jail where he belongs.  But I have to do something, to do my part in protecting his next potential victim.  How I wish that whoever else he has assaulted had written something I could find.  He had no concerns at all in telling me to look him up.  He knew nothing was out there.  He doesn’t now.

I know he reads this blog.  Now he knows his name and what he’s done is out there.  I will continue to put his name out there for the world to see.  This is the only way I have to try and inform, to protect.






My new patio


I think I’ll like writing here.

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Posted by on 07/12/2015 in Uncategorized


Being A Girl: A Brief Personal History of Violence

A beautifully written demonstration of how women are taught, through time, to acquiesce to abuse, that men are taught they somehow have rights over women, and why it can be so hard do or say anything about. Please read.

The Belle Jar


I am six. My babysitter’s son, who is five but a whole head taller than me, likes to show me his penis. He does it when his mother isn’t looking. One time when I tell him not to, he holds me down and puts penis on my arm. I bite his shoulder, hard. He starts crying, pulls up his pants and runs upstairs to tell his mother that I bit him. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about the penis part, so they all just think I bit him for no reason.

I get in trouble first at the babysitter’s house, then later at home.

The next time the babysitter’s son tries to show me his penis, I don’t fight back because I don’t want to get in trouble.

One day I tell the babysitter what her son does, she tells me that he’s just a little boy, he doesn’t know…

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Posted by on 05/12/2015 in Uncategorized


Living abroad again!

I made it 🙂
Life is always in flux and we have to roll with the tide, but I’m with my bestie and life is good.

Peace and love to you all.

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Posted by on 04/12/2015 in Uncategorized


Shame _______ you.

I love honest, open looks at ourselves. Thank you for this wonderful read.

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Posted by on 18/11/2015 in Uncategorized


Water painting



What’s next? 

We’ll find out more next week 🙂


Here’s what’s been happening…

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Posted by on 14/11/2015 in Uncategorized


Captain Unpredictable strikes again!


Mama: I start my detox cleanse tomorrow.

Me: I’ll do it with you, why not? Couldn’t hurt me and it’ll help you.

Mama: Tonight I’m going to have a beer!

Me: Ooooooooooo BEER!

Add three minutes, one coffee, and a splash of Frangelico, recently discovered from hidden stash.

Captain: You remember the last time we used that Frangelico? 2011 to make chocolate cake shots!

Mama: Looks like I have to go buy some Citron.

Me: We don’t have to do shots just because I found this bottle.

Mama: It’s our last chance before we detox.

Captain: See, that’s why you need me! Before your detox, I’m here to help you toxify!

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Posted by on 12/11/2015 in Uncategorized


A little more paint happening


Here’s this one…..  And the back ground for the next one.


Dunno what’s gonna happen next….


My paperwork is being processed. I am finally for sure headed out!

A few more weeks stateside, then I’ll have my first holidays in Kazakhstan.

AND, I get to be an art and dance teacher along with my English teaching.  Wooohoo!


Posted by on 09/11/2015 in Uncategorized


More painting

No lotus, no blank space. .. I went with Harmony in Cambodian characters, as this goddess was from Angkor Wat.

So here are the three finished paintings. There are two more in the works. At least I’m being productive while I wait for all the governments red tape 🙂




What d’ya think?

Have a request?

Let me know!

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Posted by on 28/10/2015 in Uncategorized


Painting while I’m waiting


Giving some different styles a try.

Well, this is where I’m at now….


And I believe that “Buffalo Woman” is finished now.

Hope you like it.


Ps. It’s for sale $150    this one is sold folks.  🙂


Posted by on 27/10/2015 in Uncategorized

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