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It took 2 months to notice it, 6 months to understand it and 10 months to finally do it.

When I first moved here, I was enamored, confused, astonished, and shell shocked. I didn’t really notice all the people sleeping ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE.

Then one day almost 2 months in, I began to see it, and wow….. Taiwanese people can and will sleep anywhere, anytime, on anything. Their post work “down time” is spent at night markets, family dinners that last for hours, and general socializing into the wee hours of the night/ morning. Then they start all over again at work. Nap time is actually built into their work and school time.

Because it’s necessary.

Building laborers eat lunch, grab a brick, lay down, and are snoring on their brick pillow in 3.6 minutes or less. Teachers are out as cold as their students. Office employees lay their heads on their desk like it’s the comfiest bed around. Couples hold hands and lay their heads on the fast food table between them. Children, toddlers, are standing up, on scooters, with no helmets, with their little unprotected heads resting on their hands, which are gently placed on the dashboard of the vehicle weaving in and out of traffic.

naptime

Now, I not only get it; I do it too. The most looked-forward-to part of my day is nap time. I bring a little towel to fold under my head, and pass the frack out at 12:50 every weekday possible. It’s some of the best sleep I get, given my ridiculous insomnia.

The first time I slept in public was when Cori and David were still here. We’d gone to the night market and got back to the hostel late. We were up early to catch some sun time at the beach before heading out to our next destination and Cori wanted a Mango Shaved Ice.

I couldn’t stay awake. Right there in the middle of the shop, I found an empty table, laid my head down, and was fast asleep before Cori finished her order. I slept the whole time it took for it to be made, eaten, and cleaned up.

Sleep is significantly important….. I need more of it.

 
 

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White Privilege, what do I do?

Once upon a time I didn’t understand white privilege, it’s specifically meant to be unnoticed.

Then I had to make a decision, a decision that would ultimately confront me with my own personal racism‘s nurtured into me by a world that affords me unseen privileges just because I look the way I do.  I had to confront and battle the idea that because I look a certain way, those with more privilege and less privilege can take what they want from me without my choice taken into account.  I had to decide if I really can like/dislike each person for who they are and not base those choices on blanketed grouping by color or race.

As a white woman I am in the upper middle of a multi-layered, difficult and terrible truth. I, without intention or often knowledge, create racist scenarios in which those with less privilege than me are subjected to.  I, without any other reason than being white, can walk through the world differently than non-white people. AND I HATE THAT.  I am truly one of the least racist people you could encounter.  I truly do not take a persons skin color into account when I interact.  It was a conscious choice I made that has become simply part of who I am.

But I forget that the world takes my skin color into account in everything I do.  I am able to “not care” about color BECAUSE of my color.  If I were not white, I would not likely be able to be as “free thinking” as I am about race.

I have encountered racism all my life – not directed at me usually, but its always present existence has been known to me all my life.  Living in so many military bases throughout my life, living in glorious cities that boast people from every country, I have seen how racism can tear people down.

My country that brags that it is “FREE”, whose sacred lady claims that all are welcome on our shores, drapes invisible blankets of racism over everything. It is not free for everyone, it is not a land of opportunity for everyone.  It is a land of elite privilege for the elite, a land of gifts for the select gifted, a land of honor for the “accepted as honorable”, a land of “you can get this much if you’re a little more like the elite than the others”,and a land of hand-outs for those that are choking in the invisible blankets.

My own personal encounters with ism is more specifically in the realm of sexism.  White male privilege dominates all the isms, with the class structure being its only divider.  The higher the class, the more privilege.  But even the lowest class of heterosexual white male dominates all the other sexes, races, and genders.

White male privilege is dominant and excruciatingly destructive all while being “invisible” to those who have it.  But as a white woman, I am still covered by a myriad of privileges that I have to work hard to see.  I still have less worries than men of color and even less than women of color and often even less then any color of gender different.

I used to think it was an American phenomenon but I was wrong.  It is a global disparage.  I am more often now encountering remarks and lifestyles that display white privilege with such extreme that it seems to scream and yet it is still invisible to those that have it.

My students color their pictures with blonde hair and blue eyes, because they want to see themselves that way.  My friends and their friends openly make racist, sexist, religion bashing, and gender bashing comments without a thought that these comments are simply an invisible cloak that helps them remain in a non-earned status of privilege.

What can I do?  I can’t help what I look like any more than any one of color can.  And for the first time in close to 30 years I have made a blanket racial decision.  (I am just not into Asian men…..I have tried to find the beauty that so many talk about, but as a whole, Asian features do not move me in any way)

I acknowledge that I live in a world in which I have far more privilege than I should based simply on my color. But I also feel that I have worked really hard to be who I am and I deserve many of the privileges I have based on that.  However, I don’t get them because of my work, I get them because I’m white.  So what do I do?

My children, of mixed races, are also given and not given basic privileges based solely on how white they appear.  As they walk down the street, they are faced with fully different things to worry about and need to make decisions on how to carry themselves as they walk down that street, based solely on how the world perceives them as being more or less white and whether they are male or female.  I spent far too long not understanding just how little I educated my son about how to deal with the racial confrontations he would have to deal with, the blankets that covered the world and smothered him.  As a woman, I was more aware of educating my daughter about the sexisms of the world.  But I can never know what it is like to be feared simply for being, for existing the way my son can be.  Nor did I educate my other son in understanding his white privilege as a white male with some affluence.

So what do I do?  As a human, as a woman, as a mother?

Now I understand that white privilege exists and I pay attention to my own behaviors to try to avoid creating the scenarios in which I contribute to the negativity of white privilege.  There is so much more to understand, and far more to learn about how to help change the standards and remove the blankets.

Now what do I do with this knowledge?

 

Update:  Well, I have been surprised at the number of responses and comments waiting in my inbox to be approved.  I have decided that most do not need to be approved.  I wrote this for the purpose of trying to continue my own education about how to do my part in creating the change needed for the world to stop seeing color and race as a way to treat people.

It is only through awareness, through discovering the invisible blankets and shedding light on them, that we can find ways to create true equality.

 

I watched this UpWorthy video and thought it was a good example.  Please watch it.

http://www.upworthy.com/one-easy-thing-all-white-people-could-do-that-would-make-the-world-a-better-place-5?c=ufb1

 

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 15/08/2013 in Expat, Rant, teaching, travel, Uncategorized

 

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Bangers for Breakfast

I’m wishing I had been able to get my Wicked Tinkers CS’s downloaded before I left.   Missing my bagpipes today.  Weird, but true.

I accomplished a few firsts this last week!

First week since my fall that I’ve been able to go to the gym 4 days in a week.

First time since the fall, that I did weighted squats WITH the squat bar!!!  Heck yeah!

First time I ran past my goal time without even realizing I had, until I looked down, and I had past by 5 min already and I wasn’t even really ready to stop!!

First time I drove the scooter outside of my little area here…  AND drove it all over northwestern Taiwan in search of a beach.  I may not have found a beach yet, but I can add a lot of scooter time and sight seeing onto my “ta done” list.

First time I killed a freshly satisfied mosquito that was INSIDE my mosquito net.  sigh.

First time I made plans to go to a Latin Carnival!!

First time since I’ve been here that I can share the newness of it all with someone thanks to my new friend Jennifer.  It really does make such a huge difference.

I didn’t have bangers for breakfast this morning, but, maybe I can find The Wicked Tinkers online and listen to some amazing bagpipe and didgeridoo, feel good, toe tapping, awesomeness this evening.

 

 

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Image

A beautiful accident

A beautiful accident

The Hot Springs were full, so we decided to take a little day hike – gorgeous

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Food Food Food…..

I’m having to figure out food. Everyday food, go out food, cultural food, too much food, too little food…. Food, food, food.

It is weird, coming from America, to see my food in its original form.

This guy has had a pretty bad day I think….

The food here is giving me trouble. Some of it I’m down right scared of. Some of it I can’t eat. Some of it I can’t bring myself to eat. And the stuff I do like and want to eat I don’t know how to order when I’m by myself.

They will quite literally cook your goose, or chicken, or duck, or anything else here. It will generally be fried or boiled. Roasting doesn’t really happen and ‘barbecue’ is a variation of boiled.

On the bright side, there are some really yummy things to eat here too!!!

Like the incredible cakes. I personally can’t eat them, but they smell delicious and they get eaten pretty quickly.

The fruit smoothies are the fracking bomb! Yum yum. I like the one pictured in the middle. It has dragon fruit! Who doesn’t like something with dragon fruit in it?

I still can’t get a straight answer as to what this deliciousness is, but man was it super tasty!

There is no shortage of fresh food. Really really fresh.


The restaurants have some great spreads and if you have someone who understands what is being ordered some great stuff can come your way!

But again, it’s either boiled or fried.

And you will also get some interesting local delicacies that will turn your stomach like Hundred Year Old Egg. Which isn’t exactly 100 years old, but it does look and smell like it has to potential to have been.

We went to a restaurant named Whalens one fine morning for brunch and had some great food!! Check them out if you’re in Taipei. This was a skillet dish with 2 poached eggs over potatoes, peppers, and other goodness.

A typical school lunch sans the rice and soup.

And a typical dinner at Tim/Kent’s house.

The fruits and veggies here are flipping phenomenal! Ginormous and delicious.

The apples here are as large as cantaloupes!

I was amazed at how big the Korean pears were too!!

Still in love with coffee.

Street fare is a whole category unto itself.

Roasted corn with or without some kind of coating.

Everything is freshly made!

These mushrooms are so big they can make a whole meal.

There is a very large preference to gummy foods that I do not understand, but hey, whatever.

Here is a woman making these gummy pockets. I’m guessing tapico starch or something similar. It looks white while it is still a dough. They put some in the bottom of a shape, then a pork filling, then put some on top. It gets boiled and turns into this pink gummy pocket. Think fruit snack texture with pork flavor. I wasn’t too into them, but lots and lots of people were!

I did like the Tarot ball soup. One thing to know before traveling to Taiwan – bean soup here is always sweet and more than likely cold. But yummy and will probably include something gummy.

I fell in love with these little bricks of goodness. They are ginger tea cubes. You drop them in boiling (yes lava temperature is required) water, wait about 15 minutes, let it cool down to a drinking temp and thoroughly enjoy.

I went to my local organic store and lo and behold I find organic honey from France. Cool.

I also found organic frozen fish….. because the ones they pull out of the ocean and rivers a few minutes before deep frying them isn’t good enough. To each their own.

I had to sneak one of my Kindy kids eating.

This is what the Taiwanese call an Australian omelet. I will need conformation if this is actually an Australian omelet or not…

You take one tortilla type wrapper, add a over hard egg, finish with a slice of dry white bread, fold and voila. Huh.

On a good note, there were no eyeballs to deal with! YES!

The guava fruit is still a mystery to me. I really like guava juice. I like it in my fruit smoothies. But I just can’t take it solo.

Yes, that was a chicken foot just lumped in with the rest of the chicken meat.

Some of all this is super awesome, I just wish I didn’t have to deal with eyes, brains, tentacles, legs, and antennae along with the good stuff.

Speaking of good stuff, this drink was delicious. Sparkling soda, rice something or the other and raspberry syrup. mmmmmm

These clams were moving all over the plate…

Oh for you restaraunteers!! This was such a snazzy idea! They’re stacked and prepped in groups of 2, 3, 4, and 5. How many in your party? Just grab a stack, bam.

Fresh bread with green onions inside and sesame seeds on the outside! Yum yum yum.

A casual stroll through morning market is going to look something like this…

Lotus root is apparently quite good for colds. Wendy bought some of these and has made me some delicious soup to help me to keep getting better.

I am proud and a little grossed out still, but I ate my first whole deep fried fish yesterday. Brains, eyes, tail and all. In fact, I ate three.


Food food food… I must be eating enough because according to Tim’s grandma, I’m getting a little bit fat.

 

 

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It bit me on the chin

English: A mosquito sucking blood from a human...

English: A mosquito sucking blood from a human host. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My nightly mosquito hunt genuinely pissed me off last night/ this morning!  I knew I’d seen one but I couldn’t find it.  I hunted for an hour.

Then I said, “well maybe I’m just being paranoid”, and sat down to write my Ode to Dan and Kenny.  I am sincerely grateful for how my experiences at TEFL WWP helped me get through this week at school!

Just as I was finishing the last few remarks, the back of my neck started hurting.  Not too unusual for my neck.  I rubbed it a little, finished my post and rubbed it again because it had begun hurting more.  I felt a weird lump and went to look in the mirror.

Sure enough, there in the back of my neck were two mosquito bites swelling up across the back of my neck.  The damned blood-sucker had gone for a double dip!  I put my awesome ancient modern medicine on it and went back on the hunt!  I knew that little bastard had been there.  It wasn’t going to get away from me this time.

For another HOUR I hunted that mosquito and didn’t find it!  I was pretty pissed. I had my already messy dorm getting even messier as I pulled stuff out and threw it around in case the mosquito was inside or underneath it.

It was late and I’d been stalking my tiny dorm room like a pent-up tiger muttering under my breath, “Blood-sucking bastard, I’ll get you”.  At midnight I gave up.  I was tired.

I brought my HV racket and a towel with me and I got in bed.  I made sure every part of my skin was covered except the bottom of my nose, my mouth and the very top of my chin.  My comforter was pulled up as high on my neck as it could be.  The towel was wrapped all around my face.  Every limb was under the comforter.

I had laid down for no more than 2 minutes.  I hadn’t even gotten completely comfortable yet when my chin started hurting.  The screen on my computer was still glowing (and I have it set to turn off, but still play my music, after 5 minutes).

I looked up at the wall behind me and there it was.  All cocky like, “haha you couldn’t find me but I bit the only place you didn’t cover, haha”. I LEAPED out of bed!!  Ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

I’ll be flipping damned.  The blood-sucking bastard had actually bit me on the chin in less than 2 minutes after I had been hunting it for 2 hours. Bastard.

Game On.

I devised strategies, I hunted, I called out to it.  I didn’t give a rats ass that it was getting closer to 1 in the morning.  The other people in the dorm could suck it, I was going to get that mosquito.

I genuinely must have looked like a lunatic because every little movement of hair, itch on my skin, or shift in clothes had me sure that the bastard was biting me again.  I was twitchy and paranoid as I paced the room looking at stark white walls, sure to see the little bastard somewhere.

I literally ransacked my room.  All of my clothing and towels are in a pile by the front door because I went through each one, shaking them out and then throwing them in the pile.  Then I went through the pile again just to make sure it hadn’t gotten into the pile and hidden while I was looking through the other clothes.

And then I spotted it stealthily hiding on the dark stain of the door.  The hunt would soon be over.

I slapped at my door like the bastard was 10x its actual size.  It flew away.  I swatted at it with my HV racket.  Nothing, no juice left.  All I did was give it a windier ride.  I spotted it again on another wall.  I threw a box at it.  A box has a larger surface area, sure to kill it.  Missed.

I had been revving up the voltage in my racket as I stalked the room.  I was certain that the high pitch whine of electricity was going to emotionally scare the mosquito out so I could get it.  I had worn down the batteries. Ugh.

Thinking quickly I pulled out the batteries and switched them around, sometimes that works.

I spotted it again back on the door.  It was in my sights.  I moved slowly.  I was catlike.  I embodied the best tigress hunter as I made my way to it.  The bastard sat there, taunting me, but I knew it was doomed.

I ever so slowly put the racket in front of me and began to fire it up.  I gently put it on the door so as to not disturb the little fucker.  Then

I kicked the door.  It jumped and the most satisfying little explosion of my life happened.  I did not care that three rounds of my blood just got annihilated as long as the little bastard went to see its maker.

I may have to explain my honest ability to be murderous in these situations one day, but he was gonna have to explain his shit right now.

Mosquito 3, Mari 1;  but mine will last.  HAHAHhahahahahahaha

 

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Random stuff just pops into my life

I am allergic to mosquitoes.  This has been discussed previously here.  I live on the 8th floor of my dorm building.  (Yes,  I still walk up 8 flights of stairs -132 stairs to be exact – every day at least once)

While talking with Wendy and discussing the mosquito situation, she just laughed at me and said,

Mosquitoes can not fly up to the 8th floor, it is too far!  They will get tired!”  I thought about that for a minute and while remembering the previous evening and the rather large number of mosquitoes I killed (I go mosquito hunting every night with my High Voltage racket), I replied,

“That must be why they find me so delicious.  They’re tired from the exertion and need a good snack”.

~

While in the Sensory Room (here) I pretend I am one of two things; either a dinosaur out to eat all the children, or the Tickle Monster hell bent on tickling them until a friend comes to rescue them.  I still roar when I am the Tickle Monster…. monsters roar.  Trust me, I watched a whole movie about it.

Today while being the tickle monster/ hungry dinosaur, I was in the ball pit located at the end of the longest tube slide.  Perched ever so close to the end but not in view, I awaited the oncoming victim.  She slid, I roared, she screamed and ran up (the way all of them do *insert evil smile*) and then came sliding down, because they can’t actually climb up very far.

I took one look and saw the biggest crocodile tears I’ve ever seen on a child’s face.  I had actually authentically scared her to tears.  She came out and leaped in my lap, wrapped herself around me, buried her little face on me and sobbed for 2-3 min.  Then she just clung to me with all four limbs as I sat there as she leaked from her eyes for another 5 min.  She was completely distraught and I’m pretty sure her bottom lip may be permanently stuck out now.  But she wouldn’t budge off of my lap or from being completely wrapped around me until time was up.  I can’t tell if she didn’t realize that I was the monster and was clinging to me for safety or if she just needed to make sure I wasn’t going to become a monster again….   I completely and fully understand Sully in a way I never could before.  See what I mean here.

~

A butterfly wing found it’s way into my path this morning.  I feel a little sorry for the butterfly that lost that wing, but it was an oddly pleasant finding this morning.  I know sounds weird to have a severed body part be pleasant.  I just saw it and thought of butterflies and flowers and lovely things for a few minutes.  Random.

~

I accomplished almost every goal I set for myself today.  AND I learned the actual way to say the Kuan Yin mantra.  Now I have to reteach myself how to say it in my head.

~

Coffee is NOT good when mixed with peanut juice.

~

This is the year of the dragon according to the Chinese calendar.  I have mentioned before that I have discovered that following pregnant women is helpful when looking for necessities.  I only realized after writing that just how many pregnant women there are around here.  I finally asked about it.  Taiwan has a shortage of babies apparently.  There are more people dying of old age than are being born.  I, along with others, might argue that there are a lot of people in this very small nation already, but I, along with others are not in charge or have a full understanding of how politics, economy and population are really interrelated.

There is actually a government incentive for having children.  If a couple has 3 children they are basically taken care of for life by the government.  In this, the year of the dragon, the luckiest of all the Chinese years, there are a LOT of pregnant women in this country.  It is not at all difficult to find a pregnant lady to follow if need be.

~

One needs buy a wine key if one intends to drink the wine they buy.  I therefore have a nice decoration until payday on Wednesday.

~

TODAY THERE WAS SUNSHINE!!!   aaaahh smile.  It was like a little light bulb in the sky sending a ray of hope.   The sun exists behind all these rain clouds, it does, it really does!

~

I really like my coworkers.  I like hearing about what they do and what they want to do.  They are an interesting and enjoyable group of people.

WELL I am off to go mosquito hunting and then night night.   To all of you, I hope you look for the random things that make life interesting.  The little things that find their way into our lives are how the big things get accomplished.

 

 

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Rain Rain go away, come again another day….

Beautiful sunsets, lots of rain and Thanksgiving turkey.

I just realized that I can cross off another item on my Bucket List!!!

I LIVE on an island and have been watching sunsets here for almost three weeks now! Yeah, I love crossing things off my list! I also like adding things to my list. I found a picture of an awesome beach cove so…. once I can start putting pictures on here, I’ll show all of you.   Finding out where it is, what it’s called, and going to it are now on the Bucket List.

I haven’t done a lot of exploring this week, so no real news on that front. However, watching the incredible amounts of rain that can pour down here has been an experience in itself. The school playground turned into a shin deep lake and we still did morning exercises. An entire school of little kids, under the walkway, watching the pouring rain, and singing “Exercise makes me happy, exercise makes me happy!”  I’m not so sure it was making them happy but I got a pretty good squeal from my class when I told them I was going to go swimming.

This week was my first time taking my kids to “The Sensory Room”.  It’s basically the biggest McDonald’s playground I’ve ever seen; 3 floors high and the base is aprox. 30ftx30ft. The kids LOVE it! I can get them to do anything if I tell them we’ll go to sensory afterwards 🙂

OR to The Dollhouse.

Picture another 3 story loft style 30ftx50ft room separated into 7 different areas. It’s set up like a little town. One area is a barber shop/ beauty salon. One area is a kitchen/ diner. One area is a construction site, so on and so forth. Each area has all the pretend “stuff” in it; pots and pans, fake food of every type, fake menus, tables, table cloths, fake curling irons, giant doll heads with long or short hair, salon chairs, curlers, you get the idea. They have such a great time in there!

It actually hurt my soul to see a table full of little children licking the tops of their pumpkin pie and turning up their noses.  I wish I could still eat pumpkin pie and I watched a whole pie get thrown away piece by licked piece.  Aside from that Thanksgiving was a success for our class.  Several parents went in together to buy a real smoked turkey.  It was amazingly delicious.  Corn on the cob, mashed potatoes and gravy, and various Taiwanese delights along with their favorite yogurt drink.

Thanksgiving a day early was really nice to spend with my new friends and fellow teachers.  I am thankful to be able to find “family” wherever I go.  I missed my children terribly.  It was the first night I cried.  The younger two had a great time with their dad’s family though, so I’m grateful for that.   I wish Mike had been able to find someone to share Thanksgiving with, but I know being able to stay in Billings so he could work, instead of go with my dad to Nevada,  was important too!!

My friend Bryson said that Thanksgiving is a sad time for American expats.  I think that’s true.  Christmas/ Hanukkah or some form of religious holiday around the end of the year is celebrated world wide, but Thanksgiving is an American holiday.  It’s a holiday to celebrate family and show our gratitude with them.  It’s hard to be somewhere else during this time.

I am grateful for this experience and that my children support me in doing this!  I’m grateful for what I have had to overcome, what I have been blessed with, and what lies ahead.  I’m pretty grateful for island sunsets, old friends, enduring friends, new friends.

A new week is about to begin, can’t wait to see what is about to take place!

 

 
 

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A recap, a reboot, a return, and a release

A recap, a reboot, a return, and a release

It is officially October 23rd.  I left for Prague on September 4th or 5th…  I honestly can’t remember right now.  So, basically one and a half months have gone by and in that time, so much of who I was has been replaced by who I am that it seems like it must have taken a year to get here.

I am still the mother of 3 of the most amazing  people on this planet.  I miss having my monkey so close that I can just go on a day trip with him and take pictures.  Here are a few with the other two.  Monkey and I will just have to take a lot of pictures when he comes to visit me in Taiwan.

There’s going to be a gallery at the end of this blog for a few of the pictures I haven’t put up yet along with a few of my favorites over the last month and a half.

Here I sit at my mama’s house getting nostalgic about leaving New Mexico after having just said I don’t belong here.  I don’t.  But, it doesn’t mean it hasn’t been a good home for the last 13 years.  Being here is the longest I’ve ever been in one state.  And absolutely the longest I’ve been in one state for one stretch.  So, I have grown to love it.  It’s not my home, it’s not where I will stay but it holds some of my family and it will always mean chile.

 

Native American rugs strewn everywhere with the best ones on the walls.

Beautiful Southwestern night skies

The Sandias, the watermelon mountains, from my window in Autumn when they burn red as the sun goes down and always knowing what direction to go because they so prominently stand in the East.

I leave for Taiwan in one week, less than that now that it has turned past midnight and into Tuesday.  I still do not have a contract on hand.  I have been blessed with several very good offers, but I have to make sure it feels right.  I have too much at stake to just go with the first one that looks good, or apparently the second or third.  I will know the right one when I see it.

My decision is not based on any one thing.  Yes, I would like good pay, but it is not the priority.  Yes, benefits, insurance, help with start up also play a role in deciding.  But my gut is also getting a key role in this decision.  I’m trusting and believing that the job that is going to be best for now and for later is just around the corner and I am going for it.

FREAKY SCARY

Here’s the gallery I promised…

 

 

 

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Albuquerque – I’m not sure how I feel about you

The fire burning on the mountain is a little scary.  But looking at the mountains every morning is amazing!

It’s been a trippy, crazy, and not-quite-over ride since returning home from Prague.  Though not in my original plan, I have been back in New Mexico for just over a week now.   I have managed to accumulate 3 job offers and still have one on the way.  I also have another that I haven’t heard from, that I’m expecting soon.

Who’d a thunk it.   I have options.

Though I am grateful I didn’t just take the first thing that came along, I am finding it to be a far more of a challenge then I had ever considered, having options.  I have been working with a couple companies for some time to get to the point of even getting the offer.   In fact, the reason I have so many is because the first one took so long to get to this point and I couldn’t handle not knowing if I was going to get the job or not.  I don’t do well with being dangled.

I have this incredible sense of loyalty that I fear often taints my decisions.   One company has really nice people, a really nice school, but took THE Longest time to get back to me; which means I’ve been working with them for 3 weeks and just now got their official offer.  But, that sense of loyalty says, “You have to go with them, you’ve been talking with them for the longest time”.  It’s a very decent offer, but if it takes this long to get anything done, then……..?

A different part of me says, “Go with this one, they have the best benefit package and God knows you could use some good insurance”.   And of course there’s the third part of me that says, “Best offer, not a great place, you need the money right now, not the safety”.

What’s a girl to do?  Loyalty, benefits, or money with a scare?

 

Multiple nights a week I have been up until 2-3am with interviews from various Asian countries.  I have had trouble staying asleep after 4am.  But YES, I have finally been able to sleep the last few days.  Thank goodness, and I’m doing it without medication!   I am using these meditation soundtracks and whether I’m just in a meditation coma or actually asleep, I don’t care, I feel so much better in the morning.  Sleep makes all the difference in the world!

I have moved again.  I’m staying at mama’s until I leave for the other side of the world.  It’s like a constant state of movement that just solidifies that Albuquerque is not where I belong.  I don’t belong here, I never have and it’s time to find out where it is I do belong.  How do I do that?  Get out there and explore!

I send many thanks to my adopted mother, aka mama.  I am not sure where I’d be without her.  Her home is and will always be the safest place I know.  AND  it has a Jacuzzi tub and a 4 person steam shower with three shower heads and a fully tiled bench all the way around.   How could I possibly go wrong here?

It helps that mama is a Shaman.  I can work with her and get some guidance in this job hunt.  It is difficult and taxing, mostly because I know I will be happy wherever I teach, but how will I know which one will be most beneficial to my goals and future?

Shaman magic, that’s how.

I will let you all know as soon as I know the where’s and when’s of my future employment.

 

 

 

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